A Fine Day Indeed

My outlook on today started out wonderfully. I was all set to have a very important test called an Endoscopic Ultrasound at a hospital over three hours from my home, but even though the drive was quite ridiculous, I was hopeful because I really believed that this test would give me the answers I’d been seeking about the pain in my abdomen.

My mom and I arrived right on time and I was immediately called back to begin prepping for the procedure. They had started my IV, and I had already spoken with the anesthesiologist when the doctor came in with some news I did not want to hear. My blood sugar had spiked to an incredible 703 due to the fact that I was instructed not to take my morning insulin dose because this was a fasting procedure. (Meaning that I was not permitted to eat, drink, or take any medication after midnight) The doctor informed me that going under while having such a high glucose could cause a myriad of problems, and that performing the test today was out of the question even if my blood sugar did come down. I was then sent to the emergency department of the hospital to receive fluids and an insulin drip.

I was furious, disappointed, and scared all at the same time over this situation. My blood sugar had never reach that level before, even when I was diagnosed. I had also driven such a long way to get this test done and finally get some answers- answers that would now be kept from me even longer. I had decided to try and relax while they were bringing my sugar down, and maybe even try to take a nap. But no sooner did I get checked into the ER did they come in and say those words that I’ve heard way too much over the past few months- “We’re going to admit you.”

I could feel my blood pressure rising more and more until I felt like my ears were going to blow off. There was no way I was going to be admitted to the hospital for a 4th time in 2 months. Furious was not even close to how I felt in the moment. But as soon as the doctor left and the door closed, I lost it. I was crying like a baby- everything just hit me at once and I had a complete breakdown, but luckily for me, my mother was there for support and comfort and after a little while was finally able to calm me down.

After a few hours, several insulin injections, and 2 bags of fluids, my blood sugar came down to a normal level, and I was given the joyous news that rather than admit me, they were going to let me go home. By the time I was released I was completely exhausted, but nevertheless very happy. Unfortunately, today was not the day of answers that I had hoped for, but I have faith that my answers will come soon. And the next time I’m told not to take my insulin in the morning before the procedure… I think I’ll take a little anyways.

– Jessica.

The Fridge Sends His Regards…

Ah, food. The smell, the appearance, and most importantly, the taste– all of it brings to mind comfort and satisfaction. It may also bring about a wiggle-dance that you do when the waiter sets your feast down in front of you. (Yes, I’m talking about myself here.) But what happens when the relationship between you and that sweet, sweet man named Mr. Food goes sour? All hell breaks loose, that’s what.

I love everything about food, but when my kidneys and pancreas went on strike and I was hospitalized, I suddenly found myself being told “No” to any type of food, including water. (Don’t worry, I stayed hydrated via IV) After 12 miserable days without anything solid, or liquid for that matter hitting my stomach, I was told those magic words by my care team, “You can eat now.” I would have jumped up and kissed them but the length of my IV tube prevented me from doing so.

When lunchtime came around I was just itching to get my hands on my chicken broth, jell-o, and pudding… oh, and my apple juice! I wasn’t cleared for a full diet, which basically meant that for the time being I could only have soft or liquids like the pudding and the broth. Now, people often say that hospital food tastes bad, but when you’re 12 days hungry… you don’t care. I literally ate every bit, and drank every drop of what was given to me, and soon after lunch I began asking when the dinner trays would arrive. But, my new found hunger wouldn’t last long, mostly because everything I ate gave me a great deal of pain in my abdomen, and usually made me extremely nauseated.

I was hoping that this annoying side effect of my new medical condition would fade, but so far I’ve seen no change. Although I’m continuing to lose weight, I wish it were under slightly different circumstances. I am eating much healthier now though. I’ve come to the point to where I’ve only been putting healthy, fresh, and non-fried foods in my body, that now if I try and eat a hamburger or greasy fries, my body just won’t accept it.

I wish I were still able to enjoy food as I used to, but I’m loving that my body is actually craving fruits and veggies over ice cream and chips. So, I suppose the old adage is true- every cloud does have its silver lining.

It Gets Better….

When will this pain go away? When will life as I know it return to normal? These are the questions that have been floating around in my mind on a daily basis for a while now. I’m not one to dwell on the negative. As a matter of fact, I’m typically the one to preach the greatness of positivity to those around me. But these past few months have really been pushing me to my limit both mentally and physically. My days have been filled with sharp, consistent pain in my back and upper abdomen, and my nights with nausea, and the inability to sleep, which in turn leaves me cranky and irritable. I was sent home with pain and nausea medication to deal with my symptoms, but, as many of you know, the unfortunate side effect of strong medications is that they completely knock you out. Pair that with the fact that much of the time these medications have to be taken during the day when the symptoms are at a fever pitch, and that leaves you with the inability to really do much of anything.

Being unable to do much for myself has led me to rely heavily on those around me, with the biggest help coming from my amazing husband, Dave. He has been by my side through many health issues, but especially so over the past few months. From sleeping in those ever so comfortable hospital recliners, to making me food and cleaning around the house when I was incapacitated, he’s done such a wonderful job taking over the responsibilities when I was unable to, and I can’t help but brag about him every chance I get.

I’ve also had so many others who have been there for me that I could not possibly name them all, but they know who they are. My continuing support system has gotten me through so much, and they continue to do so each and every day.

Having my friends and family by my side has been a wonderful experience, but the one I am the most thankful for His never-ending support and comfort is my Savior. He has brought me through so many incredible ups and downs in my life, and He’s been consistently by my side even more so lately. I can’t count how many times over the past month or so that I felt like I’d reached my wits end, when just then God stepped in with something, sometimes large, sometimes small, that reminded me of His presence and gave me the hope and strength to push forward.

I suppose the point of this post is to remind everyone out there who is struggling with something, whether it be relationship problems, health problems, financial problems, or anything you’re facing that’s troublesome, it will get better. It may not be today, and it may not be tomorrow, but God has not forgotten you. God’s timing doesn’t often match well with ours, but when you begin seeing the fruit of your patience, you’ll quickly realize that everything you’ve been through is worth it. Don’t give up- everything you go through in life, both good and bad, is being seen by others, and you have the opportunity to be a negative or positive example to those people.

Which will you choose to be?